Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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