also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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