I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
