I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
