So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
