Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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