Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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