My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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