Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
