im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
