Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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