i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
