I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
