wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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