It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize