moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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