I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
