how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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