when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
