I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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