Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
