wat bout pragnant strippers??
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
