PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
