did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
