just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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