The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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