god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
