we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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