you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
