What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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