Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
