There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
