I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
