I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize