I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
