The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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