your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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