I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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