Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
