I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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