I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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