Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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