But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize