Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
