You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
