the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
