so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
