Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
