fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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