I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
