Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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