If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
