I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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