Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
