It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
