Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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