My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize