when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
