She is in my trunk
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
