I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She said her name was "party"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Randomize
