I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
