I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
