Already got asked if we're dating
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
