btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
