i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
