I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize