why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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