You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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