I looked at my own cervix.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
