Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
