I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
