So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
