i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
