Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
