I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
