so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
