drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize