Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
