Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm like, not good at living.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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