i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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