fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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