looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
