don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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