based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
