And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
