Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
