OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
