he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
