This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She even gives head with a lisp.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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