Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
