You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
