Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize