You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
