this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
