the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
