I just cut my nipple shaving
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
