Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
