i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize