I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
